Letting Go....Moving on....Setting free

 When is it okay to let go of grudges and past hurts that people have inflicted on us over the years. When do you forgive the close friend that hooked up  with a guy that you liked or your baby father who cheated on you when you were young and left you scarred. Or even the parents who you feel did not love or support you enough growing up. 

  The hurts that these things and many other situations bought, the tears spent crying and the brokenness that came along with it over the years. How can you really ever  let it go because every time the memory hits you, it still comes with a degree of hurt at just the mere thought of it, even if it happened years ago. 

  I have learn from my own hurts over the years that the hard part is not really forgiving but the hardest most difficult part was letting it go. Once saying I forgive you, not bringing it up every time the opportunity presented itself. Not replaying the situation in my head over and over but actually letting it release from my psyche as the words I forgive you are released from my lips. I know it's much easier said then done but one day I asked myself after years of feeling sorry for myself and the way things had turned out for me, "Why do you hold your self in bondage,when you are free?"

 That was indeed the most profound thing I had ever spoken into my own life. Those people who have hurt you have moved on whether they are happy or not they are moved on and you are still stuck in the past. Holding on to hurts that are no longer holding on too you. You are free to move on and be free and yet you choose to stay in bondage. 

 Does the past bring up hurtful things, HELL YEAH!! Is it hard to forgive and let go, another  HELL YEAH!!! However, it's easier to forgive and move on and be free than to live in bondage for the rest of your days on this earth .....30S&S...signing off......

My Dating Contract

 As I was going through my room cleaning as I sometimes tend to do. I came across an old crumpled piece of paper that was labeled "Contract for Dating". It was a contract I had drew up when I was tired of talking to guys and nothing ever came out of it. So I told myself if I was getting the same  results maybe I needed to try something different to get new results. So I made something called a dating contract which would give me guidelines to dating. Now, you are probably wondering was this a good idea? Well, I honestly don't know because I never had anyone I saw long enough to use it on, ha ha!

   However, in general I think it is a great idea to go into any dating situation with rules and standards that you live by so you will not be so quick to fall for the okey doke based upon how you may be feeling at the moment. I mean think about it, what if you go out on a first date with a guy and you guys began kissing after the date and one thing leads to another and you wind up in bed with a guy that could have been a potential prospect but is now a mere one night stand because you had NO self control! 

  Now I'm not saying that nothing can come out of a date where sex happened on the first date because I'm sure in some instances there were exceptions to the rule and it did work out. However, since I deal mostly with reality and not with fictional romance movies on the ABC channel I'm going to just say please  don't try that at home and expect to find your future husband that way.  

  Sometimes, even if you feel the chemistry strong and the passion lurking and you just want to give it all up just say to yourself if he likes me he will call me after tonight and there will be other dates. 

 If he does not call you again,won't you be glad you didnt give in and put out....one less undeserving guy walking around with a part of you....30S&S...signing off .....

My Dating Contract 

1. No kissing on first date 

2. No home visits until at least date 6 

3. After calling and leaving a message no more calls until he has returned your call. 

4 No inappropriate conversations 

5. No sexting 

6. You get the point!!!

"Ain't Nobody"

I saw a post by one of my Facebook friends about how being in love was so cool. He talked about how holding the person was more fulfilling sometimes than the sex. How having someone there to talk to joke with and pray with is so great. I was really move by this young mans post because he focused on the majors and most people focus on the minors . The thought of laying in your loved ones arms having pillow talk all through the night off and on. Laughing with him with your inside jokes when you are in together or out  in public. Laying on the couch together wrapped into each other watching a movie, where you find your self asking a lot of questions as if he has seen the movie before. Having someone you can actually call when you have a flat tire or car trouble and don't know what to do or who to call while you are scrolling down your phone list of friends. Having someone to call first when something great or bad happens instead of sharing the news with people who could care less. 

  Having someone who wants to come by just to see you even if they are so tired from work they just fall asleep on the couch lol. 

   Those are the things that are sweet about love to me. However, nowadays everyone is looking for love because they are ready to have all this crazy sex with the man with the biggest.......that they have daydreamed about forever.They are looking for the tallest man with the most money and the nicest car. A guy that will buy them nice things to flaunt in front of their friends and send them flowers to show the whole world. Someone who is perfect, who probably never passes gas unexpectedly or burps out loud or ever has funky breathe, lol.

  That's the idea of love most people have. What I'm saying is I realize love will be great but I know it will not be perfect because no one is perfect but God. So ladies if you meet a good man who has minor flaws. Please focus on the majors and not the minors because "ain't nobody" but God perfect and yes I said "ain't nobody"!!!!!.....30S&S....signing off....

Ummm Really...

What are the dating requirements for first dates.....Are you supposed to have on your cutest outfit, hair freshly done and shiny lipgloss? Or is it okay to come in your chill clothes, no make up because if he thinks you are cute dress down you will blow him away when you are made up??? 

    I had one date where the guy had on a winter coat and scarf like it was 20 below zero and it was maybe 55 degrees outside. I mean it took him 5 minutes just to unravel and remove the scarf and coat. It wasn't this that got me but the fact that he had on opened toed Adidas flip flops with socks on, and too me that was odd. You are dressed like winter in Alaska but you have on opened toed flip flops... things that make you go ummm....lets not even mention that prior to meeting up he said he had gotten a hair cut but showed up with a do rag cap on his head and did not even bother to take it off when he unraveled out of everything else. Ummm really, I came out in my sophisticated best, put on heels that are making my feet scream, put on my MAC make up that is reserved for Sundays best and used my last pair of good lashes to be sidetracked by some open toed flip flops and a skull cap... Who does that?? 

   Sometimes I feel that Mr. Right will never come along. I don't want to be one of those females that is alone because she finds something wrong with every guy she meets. I'm full of flaws so by no means am I looking for perfection,I'm just  looking for decency and to me that's not too much too ask. So next time homeboy comes out with a do rag cap and some open toed flip flops in the winter time gear just do what I did and think about some special memory in the back of your mind that makes you smile and will get you through the date! ...30S&S..signing off ......

Such a Crybaby

Have you ever met a person that complains about EVERY little thing. It could be male or female. I mean I know people that will find any reason to have a frown on their face. We could be in the restaurant and their food is not what they thought it was going to be. Or their kids could be acting a monkey but they don't like the way people correct them. 

 Or what about a man that is always whining like a brat, such a crybaby. Oh, I'm not happy at home, she doesn't cook , clean, have sex with me .. Blah blah blah.....if its that bad "Why are you still there??!!" 

  I mean we all have our moments of frustrations but gee wiz there is nothing less attractive for me as a women than a grown man who always has a down countenance about something. I just had to vent you guys because I work for an awesome company that helps take care of people living with cancer and these brave patients are still in great spirits and don't complain about their situations even though they are the ones that really could. So I don't want to be around any more "Debbie Downers" ....as Tamar Braxton would say  "Get your life".... 30S&S signing off......

  

And you feel the urge....

As I'm sitting here alone at home on another Saturday night. I cannot help to think how nice it would be to have a fine strong man here with me. Conversing with me, touching me, kissing on me and just making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. 

   However, if this daydream were true all of this beauty would be stripped away by  sex, no holding afterwards, no goodbye kisses and probably no calls the next day and probably again until the next time.

    Have I been there before, HECK YEAH!!! Would I like to be in that place again? NEVER AGAIN!!! So as good as it feels daydreaming about that man making you feel like a woman should, reality is, if he is not for you and I mean ordained by God. It's just what it is ladies and gent.... A DAYDREAM!! I know how lonely it gets and I know that we all have those certain desires, especially for my non virgin crew that know what they may have experience before ( let's keep it real). However as soon as I think about the feeling of being loved on, I think about the feeling that comes after the event is over and the daydream is no longer a dream but another disappointing reality.

  I mean it's nothing like being loved by someone who loves and cherishes you and will wait for you. Someone who will call you the next day and the following day ... Send you texts, take you on dates send flowers to your job and do all the things to make you feel like a woman should feel... Now that doesn't have to be a daydream it can be a reality, if we just wait and be patient.....so the next time you are on the couch alone on a Saturday night and you feel the urge, just Relax, Relate, Release, and take that time to EXHALE....because when he finally does come, it will be a whirlwind....30S&S signing off......

They called her "Boobina"....

Sunday morning as i was scrolling down my facebook news feed, i read some heart breaking news. A dear friend of mine had lost her battle with Leukemia. She was not just any friend but she was a special friend, the thing that made her so special to me is that we shared the exact same name "Eugenia Jennings" and even the same date of birth 08/02. How crazy is that right? The only difference with that is my friends and family call me Gena and they called her "Boobina". 

       I did not meet Eugenia at school, church or through a mutual friend. She found me on facebook. She was thrilled to find someone who shared not only her whole name but her date of birth as well. When she reached out to me on facebook and we got aquainted she asked me to google her and then get back to her and tell her what i thought about her story. Unsure of what i would find and who this woman was i did as she asked and i found a very sad story that bought tears to my eyes. Even though we shared the same name and date of birth, we shared a very different past. Eugenia, also known as Boobina had just been released from prison after President Barack Obama commuted her sentence. Eugenia aka Boobina was sentenced to 22 years back in 2001 for distributing crack cocaine. Had President Barack Obama not commuted her sentence Eugenia would have served 17.9 years in prison for 13.9 grams of crack. ( i know crazy right) 

     Now what many did not know about my dear friend (may she rest in peace) is that she was abused as a child and the system could not and did not protect her but when she turned to the only thing she knew to provide for her young babies a child still herself the system quickly made it a point to lock her away for most of her life. With no regards of the environment or abuse that she was subdued to by no choice of her own. She was given a sentence most convicted murderers who plead guilty will never see. 

    Being that  Eugenia was sentenced as a career offender even though her prior offenses were minor drug offenses it was hard to get her sentence lessened. 

      While in prison Eugenia stopped smoking, took a 100 hour residential drug treatment program. Earned a diploma as an electrician and had many other accomplishments as well. She later applied for clemency and President Obama commuted her sentence to essentially time served. Upon getting out of prison Eugenia was in the hospital where she was getting treatment for Leukemia and when i would check in with her she would be in great spirits and she knew Jesus Christ as her personal savior. 

      Upon receiving her sentencing from the judge years ago 2001, the judge made a point to tell Eugenia that "he was not mad ar her and that all the Government did was kick her behind. He stated that the government was not there when she was abused by multiple people as a child but when she gets a little bit of crack, they are there". He went on to say that "it was not fair and her whole life had been a life of deprivation , misery and whippin's and its not fair". 

     I am here today to say, Boobina your life was not in vain....your path was given that GOD could get the glory and he did. You have paved the way for others who have suffered the same injustice as yourself. I'm sorry my friend for the abuse you suffered growing up and i am even more sorry that you missed all of that time with your babies and loved ones. I am so sorry for all the injustice you suffered in this crazy judicial system. 

     God chose you to have this incredible testimony because he knew you could handle it and handle it with a smile on your face and in good spirits. 

     Thank you my friend, I called her Eugenia Jennings but they called her "Boobina"

Then I met his best friend.....

I was listening to a song today by the artist "Uncle Sam" titled " I don't ever want to see you again". The song is about him receiving a letter from his best friend explaining that him and Uncle Sam's girlfriend have been seeing each other. The best friend goes on to say after being with her he can understand why Uncle Sam would be so in love with her.

Sooo, I know most would hear this song and say that this woman was a backstabbing whore and the best friend needs to get his A$$ whooped and they both should burn in hell! 

However, is it wrong to meet someone and date them and they seem to be cool and you guys are vibing and then later you meet a friend or relative of theirs and you feel like you guys connect more and may even be soul mates.  Are you supposed to stay with the other person simply because you met them first or do you follow your heart and take a chance on what may be destined for you?

If you are not married and In your heart you really feel more connected to the family member or friend, what do you do? In life we meet different people and some of them work out and some don't. So should you just miss out on a opportunity of a lifetime that you may not get with another person if, the connection is really strong. Would you take that chance and possibly destroy their relationship or would you just stay with the one you with and always think what could have, should have, would have been if you would have followed your heart ...30S&S...signing off...

"At least 6'5"

                  

Have you ever heard your female friends say they will not date a guy unless he has a car, job, his own place and no baby mama drama?

Well, hey I get that,those are just the basic requirements I guess for anyone. However, I guess even with those requirements there are stipulations as well. What if he lived with his mom because he is saving money to put down his downpayment on his dream home. Or what if his job just closed down and he was given his severance package and sent on his merry way with everyone else. 

Would you give him the benefit of the doubt or would you still stick to your requirements as if life doesn't throw us all a curve ball every now and then. 

Then, what about the ladies that will not even entertain a brother under 6'5 because to her that signifies a real man. Even if he broke, no car and live with his mom, he still 6'5 so I guess the requirements no longer apply?

Ladies, lets stop focusing on the now and start seeing the future potential. Do you want a average Joe who's 5'9 who took a small setback and is making a strong comeback or a fine 6'5 man living with his mama, no job that will be a headache to you for eternity??

Hmmm...Sad,but I know you still thinking lol .....on that note ...30S&S...signing off....

"Just Chillin"

Ladies,

One thing i can truly say I have learned over the years is that a man that wants you will desire you more when you do not chase him. I could be wrong but I'm almost positive that I'm right about this thing.

You ever notice if you start calling too much he doesn't quite answer all the time and let's face it we are in 2013, what man, woman or child for that matter don't carry their phone connected to their hip. So, if he is not answering, it's NOT because he doesn't see you calling.

Now I will admit there are those real moments when people actually do work or are really busy but doesn't that just mean they would send you a text to let you know or call you back when they are free... Hmmm... Yes, something to think about huh, lol.

Bottom line, if he is interested he will call and when he does. Give him the best orgasmic conversation you have ever given anyone. I know I'm cra cra, lol but seriously make the conversation worth his while. Then maybe next time he calls you if he does decide to wait an eternity later to buzz when he notices you are no longer blowing up his galaxy or iPhone. If he ask what you been up too because he cannot believe you have the audacity not to be calling so he could have the audacity not to answer. Just say "nothing just been chillin", lol.... See wont that blow his mind. He will think , "Wow, she just been chillin, doing nothing and still didn't want to call me" lol... It's time to turn the table around ladies!!

Just a little bit less.....

You ever had the feeling of a heavy heart. Not from death of a love one or bad news. I'm talking about the kind of heaviness you feel when a guy you thought you were vibing with is no longer answering your calls or returning your text. Or the one you cannot live without tells you he can actually live without you. You say to yourself .... "Not again"... "Why me"...you wonder what's so wrong with you that no one seems to want to be with you long enough to fall in love and put a ring on it. You start looking around and asking yourself  " what does she have that I don't" or feeling inadequate next to other women. I am here to tell you I have been there so i know how it feels and believe me it can be quite depressing if you let it overtake you. 

Instead of saying what's wrong with you, start listing the things that are "RIGHT" with you. If there are things you don't like that you can change then dog on it, make some changes!!! Be the best you there can be because cant no one represent you better... than you!! If you can't feel good about your self, don't expect someone else to feel good about you. 

If you are overweight, lose weight! If you are too needy, get some dang on hobbies! If you are spoiled, you better have A1 credit and a bangin job to match! Trust me the right one will come around eventually ... Just get prepared now in the meanwhile and as far as the hurt you feel now... Tomorrow it will hurt less and the next day a little less....and the next day a little more less ... and you get the point.... 30S&S signing off......

Time heals all wounds ....

"I got legs"

 

             

                Is being sexy a sin????

I know ya'll think I'm crazy but seriously is it wrong to be saved and want to slip that lil black dress or skinny jeans on when you step out to the store or a night out with the gals. 

Hey, I'm single and I want to attract attention, I am not even going to lie. If I see a cute guy in Walmart and he doesn't even noticed I'm next to him in the check out line, then it's time to put the fat girl snacks back on the shelf. Get rid of the jogging pants with the holes in between the thighs. Take the ponytail out of my hair, lotion and shave my legs. Hey I have legs for a reason! Start acting like I don't want to be single for the rest of my life!!

There is nothing wrong with embracing your feminine side and showing the opposite sex why we rock in a tasteful, classy, sexy and little seductive way!!!

So next time you get ready to go to Wally World with a head rag and ashy legs exposed, think about your future husband who met someone else in the check out line who was on point.....30S&S...signing out....

"J Cole"

Some may say, "girl you ain't saved", because I love R&B, just bought the new J Cole cd and occasionally like to not act like a 90 year old church grandma, lol. However, I realized my relationship with God is not being in church 10 times a week and not even blasting gospel music all the time when pulling up to the church. However , it's about applying the word you do hear and read when no one is around. Not taking up guilty pleasures when you know no one is watching you and constantly staying in prayer and building personal relationship with God. 

I am not perfect, I do things that the good Lord is working on me to be delivered from but by no means do I try to be holier than thou when I especially know GOD is still working on me. 

So if you hear me listening to my J Cole when I ride by. Don't think " she ain't saved" just think "she saved but she just rock J Cole"

.....30S&S...signing out....

Long Time Coming

It's been a while but i'm back. Took some time off too...well let's just say i'm back! I am still 30 something, saved and SINGLE!!! I dated a guy for a couple of months, but just as soon as it started it was over. He was employed, no kids, never married, preacher's son and he had his own place. However, he was a 30 something year old that was afraid of real commitment. He wanted the relationship but without the time invested. He thought the idea of a great relationship was seeing the person once a month and talking on the phone every day for hours at a time. Maybe if we lived out of state that would have been idea. However, since we lived within 20 minutes of one another that was not my idea of a grownup relationship. Needless to say, i did not settle and it was back to the drawing board. I had ventured out to online dating and the first site i encoutered was Plenty Of Fish, better known as POF. This site is for any and everyone who is looking to meet someone. It does not matter the gender, age or race. Let's just say i met an atheist who was kind of hot, i met a country boy who thought one date = "you my girl now" and i talked to a few other guys whose conversations never went beyond the site. Soooooo thats what i have been up too these last few months, and dont worry i will keep you posted if i meet a new guy and go on a date anytime soon. For all you single ladies...we are in this dating game together.............It's been a long time coming but i am convinced that GOD has not forgotten about us single folk!!!!......30S&S.....signing off!!