Letting Go....Moving on....Setting free

 When is it okay to let go of grudges and past hurts that people have inflicted on us over the years. When do you forgive the close friend that hooked up  with a guy that you liked or your baby father who cheated on you when you were young and left you scarred. Or even the parents who you feel did not love or support you enough growing up. 

  The hurts that these things and many other situations bought, the tears spent crying and the brokenness that came along with it over the years. How can you really ever  let it go because every time the memory hits you, it still comes with a degree of hurt at just the mere thought of it, even if it happened years ago. 

  I have learn from my own hurts over the years that the hard part is not really forgiving but the hardest most difficult part was letting it go. Once saying I forgive you, not bringing it up every time the opportunity presented itself. Not replaying the situation in my head over and over but actually letting it release from my psyche as the words I forgive you are released from my lips. I know it's much easier said then done but one day I asked myself after years of feeling sorry for myself and the way things had turned out for me, "Why do you hold your self in bondage,when you are free?"

 That was indeed the most profound thing I had ever spoken into my own life. Those people who have hurt you have moved on whether they are happy or not they are moved on and you are still stuck in the past. Holding on to hurts that are no longer holding on too you. You are free to move on and be free and yet you choose to stay in bondage. 

 Does the past bring up hurtful things, HELL YEAH!! Is it hard to forgive and let go, another  HELL YEAH!!! However, it's easier to forgive and move on and be free than to live in bondage for the rest of your days on this earth .....30S&S...signing off......

My Dating Contract

 As I was going through my room cleaning as I sometimes tend to do. I came across an old crumpled piece of paper that was labeled "Contract for Dating". It was a contract I had drew up when I was tired of talking to guys and nothing ever came out of it. So I told myself if I was getting the same  results maybe I needed to try something different to get new results. So I made something called a dating contract which would give me guidelines to dating. Now, you are probably wondering was this a good idea? Well, I honestly don't know because I never had anyone I saw long enough to use it on, ha ha!

   However, in general I think it is a great idea to go into any dating situation with rules and standards that you live by so you will not be so quick to fall for the okey doke based upon how you may be feeling at the moment. I mean think about it, what if you go out on a first date with a guy and you guys began kissing after the date and one thing leads to another and you wind up in bed with a guy that could have been a potential prospect but is now a mere one night stand because you had NO self control! 

  Now I'm not saying that nothing can come out of a date where sex happened on the first date because I'm sure in some instances there were exceptions to the rule and it did work out. However, since I deal mostly with reality and not with fictional romance movies on the ABC channel I'm going to just say please  don't try that at home and expect to find your future husband that way.  

  Sometimes, even if you feel the chemistry strong and the passion lurking and you just want to give it all up just say to yourself if he likes me he will call me after tonight and there will be other dates. 

 If he does not call you again,won't you be glad you didnt give in and put out....one less undeserving guy walking around with a part of you....30S&S...signing off .....

My Dating Contract 

1. No kissing on first date 

2. No home visits until at least date 6 

3. After calling and leaving a message no more calls until he has returned your call. 

4 No inappropriate conversations 

5. No sexting 

6. You get the point!!!

"Ain't Nobody"

I saw a post by one of my Facebook friends about how being in love was so cool. He talked about how holding the person was more fulfilling sometimes than the sex. How having someone there to talk to joke with and pray with is so great. I was really move by this young mans post because he focused on the majors and most people focus on the minors . The thought of laying in your loved ones arms having pillow talk all through the night off and on. Laughing with him with your inside jokes when you are in together or out  in public. Laying on the couch together wrapped into each other watching a movie, where you find your self asking a lot of questions as if he has seen the movie before. Having someone you can actually call when you have a flat tire or car trouble and don't know what to do or who to call while you are scrolling down your phone list of friends. Having someone to call first when something great or bad happens instead of sharing the news with people who could care less. 

  Having someone who wants to come by just to see you even if they are so tired from work they just fall asleep on the couch lol. 

   Those are the things that are sweet about love to me. However, nowadays everyone is looking for love because they are ready to have all this crazy sex with the man with the biggest.......that they have daydreamed about forever.They are looking for the tallest man with the most money and the nicest car. A guy that will buy them nice things to flaunt in front of their friends and send them flowers to show the whole world. Someone who is perfect, who probably never passes gas unexpectedly or burps out loud or ever has funky breathe, lol.

  That's the idea of love most people have. What I'm saying is I realize love will be great but I know it will not be perfect because no one is perfect but God. So ladies if you meet a good man who has minor flaws. Please focus on the majors and not the minors because "ain't nobody" but God perfect and yes I said "ain't nobody"!!!!!.....30S&S....signing off....

Ummm Really...

What are the dating requirements for first dates.....Are you supposed to have on your cutest outfit, hair freshly done and shiny lipgloss? Or is it okay to come in your chill clothes, no make up because if he thinks you are cute dress down you will blow him away when you are made up??? 

    I had one date where the guy had on a winter coat and scarf like it was 20 below zero and it was maybe 55 degrees outside. I mean it took him 5 minutes just to unravel and remove the scarf and coat. It wasn't this that got me but the fact that he had on opened toed Adidas flip flops with socks on, and too me that was odd. You are dressed like winter in Alaska but you have on opened toed flip flops... things that make you go ummm....lets not even mention that prior to meeting up he said he had gotten a hair cut but showed up with a do rag cap on his head and did not even bother to take it off when he unraveled out of everything else. Ummm really, I came out in my sophisticated best, put on heels that are making my feet scream, put on my MAC make up that is reserved for Sundays best and used my last pair of good lashes to be sidetracked by some open toed flip flops and a skull cap... Who does that?? 

   Sometimes I feel that Mr. Right will never come along. I don't want to be one of those females that is alone because she finds something wrong with every guy she meets. I'm full of flaws so by no means am I looking for perfection,I'm just  looking for decency and to me that's not too much too ask. So next time homeboy comes out with a do rag cap and some open toed flip flops in the winter time gear just do what I did and think about some special memory in the back of your mind that makes you smile and will get you through the date! ...30S&S..signing off ......

Such a Crybaby

Have you ever met a person that complains about EVERY little thing. It could be male or female. I mean I know people that will find any reason to have a frown on their face. We could be in the restaurant and their food is not what they thought it was going to be. Or their kids could be acting a monkey but they don't like the way people correct them. 

 Or what about a man that is always whining like a brat, such a crybaby. Oh, I'm not happy at home, she doesn't cook , clean, have sex with me .. Blah blah blah.....if its that bad "Why are you still there??!!" 

  I mean we all have our moments of frustrations but gee wiz there is nothing less attractive for me as a women than a grown man who always has a down countenance about something. I just had to vent you guys because I work for an awesome company that helps take care of people living with cancer and these brave patients are still in great spirits and don't complain about their situations even though they are the ones that really could. So I don't want to be around any more "Debbie Downers" ....as Tamar Braxton would say  "Get your life".... 30S&S signing off......

  

And you feel the urge....

As I'm sitting here alone at home on another Saturday night. I cannot help to think how nice it would be to have a fine strong man here with me. Conversing with me, touching me, kissing on me and just making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. 

   However, if this daydream were true all of this beauty would be stripped away by  sex, no holding afterwards, no goodbye kisses and probably no calls the next day and probably again until the next time.

    Have I been there before, HECK YEAH!!! Would I like to be in that place again? NEVER AGAIN!!! So as good as it feels daydreaming about that man making you feel like a woman should, reality is, if he is not for you and I mean ordained by God. It's just what it is ladies and gent.... A DAYDREAM!! I know how lonely it gets and I know that we all have those certain desires, especially for my non virgin crew that know what they may have experience before ( let's keep it real). However as soon as I think about the feeling of being loved on, I think about the feeling that comes after the event is over and the daydream is no longer a dream but another disappointing reality.

  I mean it's nothing like being loved by someone who loves and cherishes you and will wait for you. Someone who will call you the next day and the following day ... Send you texts, take you on dates send flowers to your job and do all the things to make you feel like a woman should feel... Now that doesn't have to be a daydream it can be a reality, if we just wait and be patient.....so the next time you are on the couch alone on a Saturday night and you feel the urge, just Relax, Relate, Release, and take that time to EXHALE....because when he finally does come, it will be a whirlwind....30S&S signing off......

They called her "Boobina"....

Sunday morning as i was scrolling down my facebook news feed, i read some heart breaking news. A dear friend of mine had lost her battle with Leukemia. She was not just any friend but she was a special friend, the thing that made her so special to me is that we shared the exact same name "Eugenia Jennings" and even the same date of birth 08/02. How crazy is that right? The only difference with that is my friends and family call me Gena and they called her "Boobina". 

       I did not meet Eugenia at school, church or through a mutual friend. She found me on facebook. She was thrilled to find someone who shared not only her whole name but her date of birth as well. When she reached out to me on facebook and we got aquainted she asked me to google her and then get back to her and tell her what i thought about her story. Unsure of what i would find and who this woman was i did as she asked and i found a very sad story that bought tears to my eyes. Even though we shared the same name and date of birth, we shared a very different past. Eugenia, also known as Boobina had just been released from prison after President Barack Obama commuted her sentence. Eugenia aka Boobina was sentenced to 22 years back in 2001 for distributing crack cocaine. Had President Barack Obama not commuted her sentence Eugenia would have served 17.9 years in prison for 13.9 grams of crack. ( i know crazy right) 

     Now what many did not know about my dear friend (may she rest in peace) is that she was abused as a child and the system could not and did not protect her but when she turned to the only thing she knew to provide for her young babies a child still herself the system quickly made it a point to lock her away for most of her life. With no regards of the environment or abuse that she was subdued to by no choice of her own. She was given a sentence most convicted murderers who plead guilty will never see. 

    Being that  Eugenia was sentenced as a career offender even though her prior offenses were minor drug offenses it was hard to get her sentence lessened. 

      While in prison Eugenia stopped smoking, took a 100 hour residential drug treatment program. Earned a diploma as an electrician and had many other accomplishments as well. She later applied for clemency and President Obama commuted her sentence to essentially time served. Upon getting out of prison Eugenia was in the hospital where she was getting treatment for Leukemia and when i would check in with her she would be in great spirits and she knew Jesus Christ as her personal savior. 

      Upon receiving her sentencing from the judge years ago 2001, the judge made a point to tell Eugenia that "he was not mad ar her and that all the Government did was kick her behind. He stated that the government was not there when she was abused by multiple people as a child but when she gets a little bit of crack, they are there". He went on to say that "it was not fair and her whole life had been a life of deprivation , misery and whippin's and its not fair". 

     I am here today to say, Boobina your life was not in vain....your path was given that GOD could get the glory and he did. You have paved the way for others who have suffered the same injustice as yourself. I'm sorry my friend for the abuse you suffered growing up and i am even more sorry that you missed all of that time with your babies and loved ones. I am so sorry for all the injustice you suffered in this crazy judicial system. 

     God chose you to have this incredible testimony because he knew you could handle it and handle it with a smile on your face and in good spirits. 

     Thank you my friend, I called her Eugenia Jennings but they called her "Boobina"